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To Be Or Not To Be
When the question is whether or not to be a helicopter parent, the answer is always not to be. Helicopter parents aren’t something I remember from my youth. I cannot recall a time where numerous parent volunteers populated the halls and the classroom my elementary school, but it is the case at my children’s school.
While there’s nothing wrong with volunteering in our kids classroom, it isn’t healthy when you’re child goes off to kindergarten and you go too. I remember when Goalielocks was in kindergarten he had a classmate whose mom was literally in class as a volunteer every single day. While it was awesome that she was able to help the teacher every day, it wasn’t healthy for her child to have her in class every day.
While my brothers and I were in middle school and high school, my parents were always there to support us, but they allowed us to make decisions and make mistakes. My parents were never involved in any of our relationships and certainly never orchestrated any of them. Present day, we parents like to meddle in our kids relationships, in our kids’ grades and all aspects of their lives.
The problem is if we handle every issue, every bump in the road our kids face, they will never learn to overcome obstacles on their own. This leaves them ill prepared for the obstacles they’ll face in their adult lives. As hard as it is to watch the stumble, we have to let them stumble and make mistakes. It is through these mistakes that they’ll learn critical thinking skills, that failure is okay and that we all make mistakes. Life lessons they’ll take forward into their adult life that are invaluable. The alternative of course is that we smother them as a helicopter parent and they turnout like Buster from Arrested Development.
Revelation
When I think about a revelation, I think of a big, salacious announcement, Armageddon or a major personal break through. The definition of revelation can vary across people. Some may find new details of Taylor Swift’s love life to revelatory, while others could not careless. Many of us our looking for revelations in our own lives; the meaning of life, our purpose, or our path.
In looking for our revelations, we often look for big signs. As if there will be a billboard pointing out our path and purpose with an easy to follow map. That would be awesome, but it doesn’t exist. In our everyday lives, there are often revelations that we overlook. It is these small revelations that overtime add up into wisdom if heeded.
Music makes the world go round. If it has a good beat, good rhythm and I can dance to it, I am a happy camper. Music is a universal language. If it has no words or is in a foreign language is a matter of little consequence. Music is revelatory. When we here a song, it can transport us to a meaningful moment in our lives. Every time I hear the Beatles, “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,” I am transported back to the tram in Germany travelling down the rainy hill from Neuschwanstein Castle to our where our tour bus was parked. We all have songs that transport us back to magical moments in our lives or songs that carried us through the difficult times. Which song is your favorite?
Imaginary Troubles
If you’re like me, ever since children entered the picture, sleep has been an issue. While you may have been a deep sleeper before, you now wake up at the drop of a pin. God forbid your dogs bark or your partner snores because then you won’t even be able to fall asleep. The problem with this of course is that as you try to sleep and can’t, the mind starts racing. Sadly late at night, the mind never goes to a good place. It goes into your psyche and taps into your anxieties and fears.
Once those ruminations start, they are hard to stop and you find yourself struggling to slow your racing mind. These imaginary obstacles have your heart racing and your brain on overdrive. When you do finally fall asleep, the anxiety may abate temporarily only to resurface the following day. It is an odd facet of human nature that we are inclined to ruminate about a past that we cannot change and a future that we cannot predict. These ruminations can become overwhelming if you allow them.
If you find yourself obsessing over potential issues or obstacles in the future, stop. Just as you cannot change your past, you cannot live by focusing on future problems. To be clear, you can exist, but you cannot live. Your life will pass you by if your time is focused on your past or on your future. Focus on your present, the people you love and that which you can control.
Life will hand you difficult hands, but you are much better equipped to deal with the difficulty than your worries suggest. The struggles you worry about often seem insurmountable, but when faced with actual struggles you will overcome them. Have faith in your strength and in the strength of your relationships, which will help carry you through the difficult times.
Life Lessons Courtesy of Victor Hugo
There is no book or story I love more than Victor Hugo’s exquisitely written Les Miserables. A beautiful (and long) story of redemption, love, sacrifice and life set in revolutionary France. I first read the story in high school and absolutely fell in love with the book and then the musical. The musical is equally extraordinarily. I own both the 10th Anniversary and 25th Anniversary Dream Cast recordings on CD/DVD and the movie version on DVD. I could watch it every day of the week.
When I first read Les Mis, I fell in love with the story. As an adult, I have ready it two more times and I love it more. Funny how a little life experience changes the reading experience. I found this to be true in re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird as well. The subsequent times I read Les Mis, the themes of redemption, pure selfless love, and sacrifice became really meaningful.
Victor Hugo once said, “We are all under a sentence of death, but with a sort of indefinite reprieve.” The problem with this reprieve is that nobody knows the length of their reprieve. In the midst of our busy lives, it is easy to get lost in craziness forgetting that our reprieve is not infinite. All too often, it takes a gut wrenching loss or diagnosis to remind us that tomorrow is not promised.
Jean Valjean, Hugo’s main character in Les Mis, could have chosen to live a bitter life as Javert pursued him relentlessly over stolen bread, but he chose a different path. Rather than live an embittered life, he chose a life of selflessness, love, forgiveness and sacrifice that ultimately led to his redemption. Much like Jean Valjean, we too have a choice. We can choose a life embittered by our circumstances or we can choose a full life – a life that is full of love, experiences, selflessness and even forgiveness.
Many people choose to exist and that’s all. Before you know it, it is too late to do the things they dreamt about. Don’t sit dreaming about your goals, places you want to see or experiences you want to have, go out and and make them your reality. One hundred and fifty five years later, Hugo’s tale of redemption, love and life remains as timely as the day it was published. So what are you waiting for?
Everything Changes
As your whole world shifts, it is easy to get lost in the newness being both frightened and excited by the transition from childhood to adult. While everything may be changing and you may feel slightly adrift fear not, the moorings that have always anchored you, the pillars that provided safety and guidance, will never leave you.
Regardless of your age or station, these pillars in your life will always be there to provide you strength, guidance, friendship and love. While they will not always be with you physically, their influence will be unending. While growth will sometimes be painful and you’ll yearn for your childhood, look forward and look upward. Understand that with every discomfort or every failure comes an opportunity to learn, to grow and succeed. Don’t be afraid to fail! Be more afraid of not trying.
Throughout your life, you’ll find yourself feeling adrift for different reasons and different transitions. At each of these points, you will always think back on the guidance and love that was given by family and friends that became family. In many cases, you’ll reach back out to these pillars for advice and that’s okay.