After an insane weekend of hockey, I thought I’d write about my learnings as a hockey mom. As I reflect on my facebook memories today, a picture from the Mayor’s first hockey practice came up and Goalielocks’ first time between the pipes. They were so young and green and so was I as a hockey mom. Flash forward seven years later and I’ve learned quite a bit. Some of it I learned the easy way and some well you know….
To all my mighty mite(aka U8) and squirt (aka U10) parents, here is some of my hockey mom wisdom:
- Make sure your car has enough space for hockey bags, suitcases, extra kids and coolers full of beer and liquor.
Waze is the best app for getting you to the rink on time while avoiding speeding tickets, accidents and construction. It will help you find the closest coffee shop.
- Its okay to yell at your kids from the stands, however realize they usually can’t hear you. If they can hear you, they’re mortified by you. This is especially true if you know nothing about the game.
- While it is okay to yell from the stands, don’t use microphones or megaphones to amplify your message. This elevates you to a rarefied level of bat s$#t crazy occupied by only a few select hockey moms like Megaphone Mom. Tame your crazy before you get to this level or your kid will be a parent cut. See the video at the top. Poor Carson…..
- Leave the coaching to the coach. They’re coaching hockey for a reason and you’re not. Its really quite simple.
- If you’re going to work the sin bin, you cannot react to the game. You cannot question the ref’s call, you must sit quietly. Also, don’t google tales or stories from the sin bin, apparently its a popular porn subject. #lessonlearned
- If you’re in the sin bin and next to the bench, don’t give the coach continuous feedback on the players and shortcomings. I witnessed that several times this weekend and was waiting for the coach to cold cock the guy in the box. Unfortunately, he didn’t. However that would have made for an awesome Youtube video if he had.
- A Vodka and LaCroix cocktail is a great option for tournament drinking that will minimize the carbs and the calories. You’re wardrobe and ego will thank me for this one.
- Be well prepared for every tournament. This means stuff to fix equipment, plenty of booze, medicine bag, and a hangover mitigation kit. This kit will help you bounce back in no time from the team BBQ Saturday night to the 6:00 am Sunday game. Your hangover mitigation kit should include activated charcoal (found at Whole Foods), Nuun (electrolyte tablets) and Ibuprofen or Aleve.
- If you are drinking at tournament or a rink, remember that someone has to be an adult and its not your 8 year old child. (For me, its hubby.)
- You can never have enough sweaters or blankets for the rink.
- Importantly get certified in CPR and AED, so you can take care of your goalie parents when their kids are between the pipes. Don’t worry, when you get to U14 and the head hunting starts, your goalie parents will be ready to return the favor.
- Savor the ride. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long and will be over before you know it. After the list, the video at the bottom is of my oldest son’s last youth hockey game. By comparison, to other seasons it was an amazing last season for him as his team went undefeated in league play and won the state championship.
- Your hockey mom crew will become your ride or die crew. They will become your family and a major source of strength and support.
- Importantly before you head to the rink make sure you are headed to the right rink. When you drive your goalie to the wrong rink, it is an absolute disaster.
- All in all there are few moms tougher or grittier than a hockey mom. We are absolutely fabulous even though we’re tough as nails. How many people do you know that can walk across an ice rink in high heeled boots? Only a hockey mom that’s who.