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Hazards of Being a Boy Mom 306

From the gross files, let me bring you hazards of being a boy mom 306.  As you may have guessed, my younger boys love animals.  They love their dogs, fish, lizards, guinea pigs, amphibians, birds and pretty much everything except for cats.  We’re now the proud owners of a bearded dragon (Iris), two veiled chameleons (Kenny and Ringo) and a basilisk name Yeezus.  Sadly, our basilisk named Cheez-its escaped.  Nonetheless, this healthy menagerie of reptiles goes through a lot of crickets and super worms.  Don’t let the name fool you, there’s nothing super about them.

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Goalielocks is an industrious child and always has been.  Since he’ll soon have to bear the burden of paying for the super worms and crickets, he started a super worm farm.  Originally, he started this worm farm in his bait boxes on the patio.  This was a good arrangement since I didn’t have to see it.

Well, all good things come to an end.  I should not have been surprised when the worm farm made it into a tupperware bin on my kitchen island.  Given his droll humor, at first I thought he was playing a joke on me.  However, it appears he’s hoping to keep it in the house.  Yeah, about that…  That arrangement will be ending soon.

Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge
Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge – Things Found in a Kitchen

As I asked my hubby what I was looking at and he confirmed my fears.  It was indeed a worm farm on my kitchen island.  I had to laugh.  Only a boy mom would have to contend with a worm farm in their kitchen.  I also had flashbacks to the movie Dumb and Dumber and Lloyd and their worm farm aspirations.

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The worm farm is slightly less gross than Goalielocks’ attempt to recreate the amber from Jurrasic park with a gatorade lid, a dead gecko and some Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup.  Moreover, I’m super happy that the hubby was the one that discovered their experiment and not me.  As soon as I found, I couldn’t stop laughing.  I reminded Goalielocks and the Mayor that Mrs. Butterworth isn’t actual tree sap as it is artificially flavored.  Goaelielocks’ eyes lit up as he realized he could use my maple syrup from Canada. I immediately told them they were not to touch my real maple syrup.  They sighed and walked away. Oh life with boys is never dull!

Tonight’s song in honor of the Mayor ,who will happily tell you that the Beastie Boys are always on vacation, is “No Sleep Til Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys.

Happy National Eat Your Kid’s Halloween Candy Day

Guess what day it is!  Not only is it hump day, we’re over half way there, it is National Eat Your Kid’s Halloween Candy Day.  A little known holiday that’s a bit of mystery outside of the parenting circuit. Nevertheless, it is a very important one.  As a parent, we’ve earned the right to pilfer their candy.  If we left it to them, we’d only get the raisins, pencils or pennies.  We can’t have that nonsense!

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Back in my day, you hit the mother load when you got a full size candy bar in your bag.  Oh how we have raise the bar!  Goalielocks came home with several king sized bars last night.  Could you have imagined that back in the 80s and 90s?  If this seems excessive, it is.  However, it does help mitigate the loss of candy to National Eat Your Kid’s Halloween Candy Day.

 

In order to mitigate the extra calories, I headed back to the Barre for more fun.  It was another fabulous class. Truly,  I can’t recommend Adam’s class highly enough.   Let me tell you, Xtend Barre is a lot harder than it looks.  I felt the first class for almost a week!  You can imagine my horror when I got to class and the dreaded Bosu was back.   Literally, the last time I did the class on the Bosu, I couldn’t laugh, sneeze, cough or move for like 5 days.  It hurt my abs to simply exist.

Unfortunately, I’m battling a nasty cold.  I am praying that I’m done with the coughing fits before the pan of tonight’s class hits my abs.  Otherwise, sweet mother of Jesus,  there will not be enough Aleve in the world to cure my ills.  If I’m looking at the bright side, the good news is that class is superbly effective.  I guess that’s what keeps bringing us all back now isn’t it.

Tonight’s song “I Want Candy” by Bow Wow Wow

 

Epiphany

Tonight as I drove up the turnpike jamming to some righteous tunes (channeling Wayne and Garth here), I had an epiphany as I listened to some George Harrison.  Particularly I was listening to “Got My Mind Set On You.”  This track was initially released by James Ray and written by Rudy Clark.  Interestingly, this is one of the few covers Harrison did during his solo career.  The track was produced by fellow Wilbury Jeff Lynne and Harrsion.

While I’m sure you’re fascinated with the musical history that really wasn’t the epiphany I had while driving.  Rather as I listened intently to the lyrics, I became convinced the song writer wrote the song with travel hockey parents in mind.  Obviously, Rudy ClarK was insanely ahead of his time seeing as how the song was written in 1952.

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I realize this is quite the risky conjecture, but stick with me here.  Consider the following lyrics:
“But it’s gonna take money
A whole lot of spending money
It’s gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child”
As you may recall from my blog post $15 Billion,   it takes a whole lot of money to fund a youth athlete these days.  Clark clearly envisioned this when writing the above noting that it will take plenty of money to do it right.

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The next stanza continues to articulate the hockey mom life:
“It’s gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It’s gonna take patience and time, um
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child”
Rudy Clark was obviously a clairvoyant song writer that saw the future of youth sports.   Specifically, he clearly saw that it  would be all consuming.  It would consume all of the parents’ time, money and patience.  I know, I know.  It is mind blowing!

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To be honest, in honor of Facebook’s latest acquisition, I’ve never heard the version from 1962.  Moreover,  I really don’t need to.  I love what Harrison and Lynne did with the track and its quintessential 80’s sound.  Without reservation, it is absolute perfection.  You’ll find the perfectly 80’s music video below.

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You know what isn’t absolute perfection?  Coming home from work to a laundry room flooded with laundry detergent.  Awesome, right?  The floor, usually white, is completely covered in blue, clean smelling liquid detergent.  It took a minute for the reality to sink in as I tried to figure out how this could possibly happen.  Honestly, I shouldn’t be surprised since I live in a house of all boys, but even they can surprise you.   Who would have thought I’d come home to a Defcon 5 laundry detergent flood?  There is an upside to this insanity.  Yep, it is true.   My laundry room actually does not smell like hockey for the first time since early August, .   As a hint to all boys out there, these are not the types of surprises your mothers enjoy.   We like roses, chocolates, coffee, nice clothes or maybe a new handbag.

 

Guess What Day It Is?!?!

Guess what day it is!?!?!??  Not only is it hump day, but it also opening day for the NHL.  That’s right folks, hockey is officially back!! Whoop Whoop!  My Minnesota Wild start their season tomorrow night, so tonight I’m watching the Pittsburgh/St. Louis game.  Nevertheless, I am stoked to be watching my favorite sport live!

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Last night marked my first yoga class in over a year.  Boy oh boy how I’ve missed my yoga and my yoga has missed me.  Unfortunately, I’ve been away from my mat for far too long and today I’m paying for it.  I am sore from head to toe!  In fact, combing my hair may be problematic tonight since my range of motion is quite limited today.  Initially my plan was take an Xtend Barre class tonight.  I can’t deny, however,  that the only activity my body is up for tonight is blogging and sleeping.

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During shoulder stand, my only inversion of the night, I got a giant, horrifically painful charlie horse in my left leg.  Holy cannoli batman, I wanted to scream at the top of my longs.  Of course, I was in a yoga class, so I couldn’t vocalize my angst.  I didn’t want to detract from the others experience by wallowing in pain.  I briefly left the pose to try and massage out my calf.  Unfortunately, this move met with little success.  As I winced in pain as my calf contracted violently in pain, I used my ujayyi breath to keep my pain and my heart rate at bay.  Miraculously, the yoga breathing allowed me to manage the pain and work through the rest of the pose.

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There’s some pride in the pain, right?  I mean, it is a reminder of how hard I worked last night.  Conversely, its a reminder of how much more work there is to be done.  The thing is, we’re all a work in progress.  I expect days like to as I work toward my physical and mental goals.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.  As I tried to climb the steps at work this morning, my left calf reminded me of the charlie horse and my right leg reminded me of a major issue cooking in my shin.

This morning was the first time I actually thought it might be time to call a podiatrist.  I feel old.  Ugh.. What the heck?  I’m not even forty, the last place I want to be is at a podiatrist office in South Florida during season.   Listen its not that I hate snowbirds, its just that I strongly dislike them.  Honestly most of them, at least by us, are utterly terrible and entitled people that feel traffic laws were made for everyone but them.  Sadly, my ankle and my shin are starting to cause some serious pain that no longer abates after I stop working out.  It is probably time to bite the bullet and make sure there’s not something serious going on in there.

 

 

 

Tonight I will be enjoying another nice, hot shower followed by some tiger palm and salonpas patches.  If I thought I could get out of the bath, I’d probably draw myself a nice, hot Epsom bath.  The only problem with this plan, however, is that I’m not confident I could get out tub.  While I’m taking tonight to let my body rest and recover, tomorrow night I’ll be back to teaching Zumba followed up by some yoga at home.   Until then, I’m going to namaste in bed.

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It’s Freaking Friyay!

It’s freaking Friyay!  I swear I could hear the hallelujah chorus emanating from every car as I made my way home on Florida’s turnpike this evening.  Oh yes, the sweet release to the weekend.  The short, but sweet break from the reality of adulting.  Fortunately, our hockey games are local this weekend, which makes our lives significantly easier.

By this time of the week, I’m exhausted and ready for bed by 6:30 pm and today is no exception.  I took full advantage of national coffee day today enjoying more than my usual serving of glorious Dunkin’ coffee.  Yet, here I am ready to sleep by 7:30 pm..  Oh how things have changed….

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I’d though I share with you some of my witty observations from the week in the form of memes and gifs.

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We had a real code red situation this evening after picking up the kids from the bus stop.  The Mayor is at a sleepover tonight and had packed a bag this morning for said sleep over.  Unquestionably, you can imagine his horror when he returned home this evening to find said bag missing.  Clearly, while at work and the eye doctor, I had misplaced his bag.   Obviously, as a working, hockey mom I have nothing better to do than hide his sleep over bag.  Makes total sense, right ?

Certainly between shenanigans at home and work, I may eye roll myself through a portal into another dimension.  Emphatically, as I think about this further, this may be the cause of my eye issues…  See, writing is good for you and aids in self-discovery and self-diagnosis.  Nonetheless,  I’m slightly worried about eye rolling myself into another dimension with no portal back home.

Right up there with my eye rolls, is the WTF’s coming fast and furious these days.  I’m amazed by how adult women treat public bathrooms. (PSA -this is a little gross.)  As if  a pad will actually flush down the toilet, since the high efficiency toilet cannot handle other feminine products?  Seriously, ladies whiskey tango foxtrot?  Apparently, common sense does not exist in the ladies’ rooms across America.  Aside from the ladies’ room and raising three boys,  my work week ensured that the WTFs continued to come at light speed.  As Buzz Lightyear would say, to infinity and beyond…

If you want to see people move fast in an office building, myself included, just let them know there’s free food.  This week at work, our engagement team held a health fair for our employees.  Our engagement team did a phenomenal job putting the event together. One of the vendors, a local cafe, was providing a plate of their food.  If I had to guess, 99% of those that attended went through that line twice.  Nevertheless, while that may run counter to the point of a health fair,  the food was that good.  I don’t think anyone felt guilty about their multiple plates.

Happy Friday to the blogosphere!

The Struggle is Real

The struggle is real.  By the time we get to Thursday.  I’m fresh out energy, both mentally and physically.  Life as a hockey parent can be freaking exhausting.  Through the week, we run from the morning drop off at the bus stop, to work (pit stop at Dunkin), get the kids, head to the rink, teach Zumba, conquer homework, try to get in a workout and coerce the kids to shower before bed.  Rinse repeat day in and day out.

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By the time we get to Friday, sleep deprivation is hitting its peak and our energy is hitting its low.  The exhaustion is all encompassing, yet we press on.  We derive our inspiration from our kids, while our energy comes courtesy of perpetual coffee.  We should likely have stock in Dunkin’ and Starbucks.  Any hockey mom that’s been around for more than a season knows exactly where to find her favorite coffee near every rink.

Notice how I say we because I’m fairly certain that I’m not alone in my craziness.  It’s not just me… Seriously….  Ask any hockey mom or day and they’ll tell you. As I left work today, I let out a smile as I realized this weekend’s games were home!  Winner, winner chicken dinner!  The realization that  I don’t have to drive to Tampa this weekend was almost transcendent.  Of course at this time of day on a  Thursday, I’m looking for any win.

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I headed home feeling a bit uneasy about life and my path.  Its easy to feel that way when exhaustion fits in.  Thank god for my beautiful, energetic and incredible Zumba girls.  These ladies rock my world (not that way you pervert) and always bring a smile to my face.  There’s nothing like a great workout to clear your head and remind you how great life truly is.  Thank you endorphins!

 

Closing out my Thursday with a rocking Zumba class is the best way to launch myself into productive and happy Friday.  Not every moment in our life is picture perfect.   Moreover, there will be times in our lives where our progress doesn’t align with where we envisioned ourselves.  That’s okay.  So maybe you’re not where you want to be professionally or personally, who cares.  Ultimately the control over where you land is with you and only you.

Mighty Musings

Who’s mightier than mighty mouse?  This hockey mom with many mighty musings tonight.     Oh where or where should I begin?  I guess I’ll just tear off the band-aid and get right to my confession.  I have to admit it’s a bit embarrassing and well don’t judge me.

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My twitter bot is addicted to porn. Sorry Mom!  Oh the horror!  There’s definitely a flaw in the bot.  My coding skills are not in any way shape or form mighty.  How did this happen?  I setup my bot to look for tweets and re-tweet them based on several key words.  Apparently, twitter porn spammers are wise to the twitter bot game.   Moreover, hockey mom  is quite popular in the random words these spammers include in their tweets.  Fortunately or should I say unfortunately, I discovered this when a follower of mine re-tweeted some spam porn.  Consequently, I have to check my feed a couple times a day to make sure there’s no porn re-tweets sitting out there.  I have to admit that I never through I’d have to sort through my twitter feed to block any porn I accidentally retweeted.

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On to bigger and better things, no pun intended, the grocery situation in our household is reaching a Defcon 5 situation.  We’ve been to the Publix and Target several times since Irmageddon left.  Unfortunately, the shelves of perishables, the refrigerator cases, and the freezer cases have remained barren.  At this point, I’m getting a bit desperate.  Hopefully, BJ’s is fully stocked tomorrow.  I need to get some groceries for the house before Goalielocks and I head to Tampa.  Otherwise, the hubby, the mayor and Jake will be up a creek and hungry.

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Tonight before I left for my run, we added a new pet to the family.  Goalielocks caught a baby brown basilisk (a.k.a. the Jesus lizard.)  When I first started running in late 2015, I never saw a basilisk.  I would see our regular South Florida convocation of anoles, rock lizards and Geicos, I mean geckos.   As it stands, now when I run I see several basilisks each run of varying sizes.  Irresponsible pet owners who let their pets go in the wild are responsible for yet another invasive species let loose in the S. Florida.  How fortunate am I that I am the benefactor of this irresponsibility with yet another pet in the house?  I am so super fortunate.   Once the boys name said lizard, I’ll share the name with the blogosphere.

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In other news,  tolls have resumed on the Florida Turnpike.  I can’t believe I’m typing this, but thank God they’re back. Traffic on the turnpike has been unbearable since the suspension of tolls.   All the people who cannot drive, don’t take care of their cars, and are blissfully unaware of the minimum speed limit had found their way from I-95  and onto the turnpike.  My commute had been protracted by 15-20 minutes each way as a consequence of the increased traffic.  Alas, the state has turned the tolls back on.   In some small way,  it seems like my world has returned to normalcy.   Traffic still sucks, but at least it sucks less.

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I’m in my first full week of detoxing from my Irmageddon see food eat food diet.  It is patently unpleasant going from eating everything to eating nothing with carbs.  I’m exaggerating of course, but not eating processed food is tough.  The problem with hurricane food is that none of it is healthy.  Nevertheless, I could have rationed my food better.   Clearly, I should have anticipated the supply chain issues with the grocers and stockpiled some of the food I ate.   Instead I ate like a bear preparing for the longest hibernation of its life.  Thank God I live in Florida, there’s no hibernation and it’s always swimsuit season here.    Sweet baby Jesus!

Oh I did some serious damage during Irma.  On a positive note, I’m back to running on the regular.  My girls and I ran another 3.7 miles tonight.  Its still pretty hot here at night.   I wanted to puke like 3 times courtesy of the heat and the fact I’m out of shape.   Last week,  I wanted to puke during the entirety of every run, so I’d say this is an improvement.  Unlike the mad pooper of Colorado, neither my dogs nor I left any surprise packages in any yards, paths or swales.  Your welcome.

Thankfully with laser focus on a healthy diet and back to normal exercise habits, results are following.  Importantly, I need to make sure I stay on task with my diet and my exercise habits lest I  have another Irmageddon type diet emergency on my hands.

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We’re fortunate to have come through Irma unscathed, but others have not been as lucky.  Both Irma and Maria  battered the Caribbean islands severely.  There are several organizations that are providing hurricane relief.   I am including two links where you can provide assistance directly to Puerto Rico and another that will provide relief to all of the islands.  To assist in Puerto Rico’s recovery: United for Puerto Rico  The Miami Foundation is accepting donations to assist in the recovery in the islands including Antigua, Barbuda, the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico.  Miami Foundation  There are a number of other charities involved in providing hurricane relief.  Before you donate to any charity, please check them out on Charity Navigator.

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Sunday Funday

Sunday funday my ass….  Unless your idea of fun is household chores and laundry.  If it is, my Sunday was the epitome of Sunday funday.  Nevertheless, I got a lot accomplished and we’re well set up for the week.   The floors have been mopped and all of our laundry is done and put away.  Thanks to Irma and a delayed start to hockey season this is quite the accomplishment for mid-September in our house.

While yesterday was a rest day, today Athena and I were back on the trail running again.  Thankfully, the brush and fallen trees  have been removed from our running trials.  For the first time in months, we were able to run our favorite route.  We ran just over 3.5 miles.  I wish my time was as hot as the heat, but my time sucked and clearly I’m off my game.  The Piggie and I had a great time running the trail despite the heat and my poor time.  There’s nothing better than running outside while listening to great music with my Athena.  It soothes the soul and clears the head.

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Today’s writing prompt is the word sting, so here’s what  I came up with on my run:

  1. Jellyfish – they’re no bueno.  Who wants someone peeing on them to make the stinging sensation to go away?  Not this girl!
  2. Stinging nettle – Goalielocks learned this lesson while feeding the sheep in Flam.  Just say no to stinging nettle.
  3. Sweat in your eyes – Yes, it equates to hard work, but sweat getting in your eyes as your run definitely stings.
  4. Bees and wasps:  I am fortunate that none of us are allergic, but this can be a major problem for those with allergies to bee stings.  In South Florida, Africanized honey bees can present a real danger.
  5. Fire Ants:  These insidious little beasts sting and it feels like their sting is the size of an elephant.  The sting of the red ant is horribly painful.  Unfortunately, I’m speaking from personal experience on this one.
  6. Hurricane Jose, Tropical Storm Lee and now Hurricane Maria: from all of us in the Atlantic Basin – F#$K You!
  7. Betrayal: Stings worse than fire ants, bees, and jellyfish together.
  8. Misogyny, racism or any other kind of discrimination:  A sting worse than a bullet ant and a tarantula hawk wasp sting combined.  Yeah, it’s that bad.

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There is good news about things that sting.  You can squash them, exterminate them or wipe them away or leave them  on the beach to dry out.  They’re not big bad monsters that you cannot defeat.  Lastly,  you can treat your sting, should you experience one, with benadryl cream,  hydro-cortisone cream, ibuprofen, benadryl, an epi-pen for severe allergies and vodka and/or tequila for number 6 and 7 respectively.

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Simple Saturday

Today was a nice, simple Saturday.   I was beyond exhausted after the craziness of Irma and work.   I ran a little over three miles last night, which marked the 5th straight day of running for the Piggie and I.  We haven’t ran outside since before our Norway trip, so it’s been a bit taxing for me as we recreate our running habit.  Like many in S. Florida, I’ve been fighting off a cold/sinus bug since the storm.  Consequently, I slept like a baby until almost 11:00 am and it felt amazeballs.  My sinuses, however, do not feel amazeballs.  giphy (19)giphy (20)

I had the distinct honor and privilege of grocery shopping once I finally got out of bed.  I’m not even being sarcastic here.  I got to have a normal, sort of, Target run today.  This trip wasn’t an emergency hurricane sustenance run, but a get our normal Target stuff run.  Except it wasn’t our normal Target run because they still haven’t been able to restock their perishables fully.  I got as much as I could at Target, and more (thanks Target), but have to make a trip to Publix and BJ’s to get  our perishables.

I was loving my newly found freedom to be out and about..   After being caged up for the weekend, which felt like years, it was awesome to be out and about.   I made a Kohl’s run.  I had to pick up some new sheets for our bed.  There is nothing more tedious or boring than shopping for sheets.  In addition, to the boring sheets I had to buy I had to pick up some casual shoes with better support for my foot.  Who knows what I did to it, but it hurt like a mother pucker this morning. I obviously had to buy a pair in both black and brown.  A girl has to have options.  Nevertheless, it should be an interesting run tomorrow….

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Dinner tonight came courtesy of Goalielocks, who found a recipe for cheeseburgers made from chuck roast online.  Goalielocks cut up the chuck roast, grounded it up and formed the patties.  I have to say I was impressed with his ingenuity and his drive to make these tasty and flavorful burgers.  Moreover, I’m happy to see another one of my boy’s cooking independently – their wives will thank me later.   As for the burger, it was delicious.  Goalielocks really impressed me with his culinary skills, however, it looks like a burger bomb went off in my kitchen.  Baby steps….. 

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Mr. Kite

“For the benefit of Mr. Kite
There will be a show tonight on trampoline”
– John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Admittedly, I’m enamored with the boys from Liverpool.  I couldn’t resist the Mr. Kite reference especially given the amazing Churchill quote I’m using tonight.  Last night I wrote about how my previous experiences with an awful boss informed how I lead my teams.  Tonight, I want to expand upon last night’s post.

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First, the Thunder Thief  is by far the most damaging and insidious type of horrible boss one can come across.  Equally important is the consideration that the thunder thief’s actions are not always deliberate.  As a leader, we must ensure we empower our people to tackle projects, accomplish goals with our support, but with autonomy.  It is equally important that the accomplishments of our direct reports are shared with our leaders.

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 There is nothing more demotivating than realizing that all of your hard work has been attributed to somebody else.  For women in the workplace, this is exponentially complex. According to HBR, women must promote their accomplishments in order to be recognized.  Ironically, self-promotion is consider unladylike and women who negotiate on their own our penalized.  Sheryl Sandberg also wrote about this phenomena in her best-selling book Lean In.

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One of the buzz words your see thrown out  way too often lately  in politics or the workplace is optics.  Here’s the thing about optics, they’re far more important than we realize.  Optics are all about how people perceive and action or event.  At the end of the day, perception is reality.  For example, let’s say you strive to have a diverse team, but your senior leadership team is only male or only white.  Consequently, you have create the perception that there is no commitment to diversity.

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Finally, do not forget that things come out in the wash.   Maybe today wasn’t your day, but ultimately the creme will rise to the top.  As Churchill so eloquently said, “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.”  The road to success will not always be free of bumps or free of jerks, but perseverance, hard work, honesty and quality of work will ultimately prevail.