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Squirrel!

Who doesn’t love the Dug’s famous line “squirrel” in the movie Up?  I love the movie Up and all of its bittersweet beauty.  Maybe its just me, but some days I feel that my ability to focus is on par with the Dug’s.   For may of us, we where a lot of different hats and have a boatload of differing responsibilities.  Some days it feels like eight arms and 72 extra hours wouldn’t be enough to get everything done.  The overwhelming nature of our 21st century lives certainly leads to many “squirrel” moments.

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The trick is to teach ourselves to stay grounded and focused.  By focused, I do not mean laser focused only on our to do lists or the tasks at hand.  Rather, I believe staying focused means remaining true to your priorities.  If family and career are your priorities, you need to ensure that your actions support those priorities.

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To stay grounded, as I wrote about Sunday, it is important to pamper yourself and keep yourself mentally and emotionally ready for life.  When you fail to take care of yourself, there is no way you can effectively manage your priorities and responsibilities.

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It’s easy to write all of this, but it’s not nearly as easy to live it.   In our society today, we are surrounded by judgement, opinions and other noise.  Everyone and their uncle has an opinion on how one should manage their lives and their priorities.  Ignore them- nobody knows better than you what your priorities are.  Moreover, those same people may try to distract you from your priorities.  You have to learn to ignore the noise.

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Each of us make choices for ourselves or are families on the daily.   For us, we made a commitment to our kids’ and their love of hockey.  Many people cannot understand our willingness and devotion to a kids’ sport that eats all of our time and our paychecks.   Nevertheless, these same people do not see the immeasurable benefits that our kids and ourselves gain from the experience.

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I’m pretty sure each of us hockey parents question ourselves as we leave at the crack of dawn to drive across the state for hockey games.  This lasts, of course, until we get to the rink.  There’s nothing better than watching your kid play the sport he loves with kids that have become family.   The cherry on top is being able to enjoy the game with your fellow hockey parents, who have also become family.  Thankfully, most hockey parents/families have similar priorities i.e. their families and their careers.  Thus providing an incredible support system that I could not be more thankful for.

Boy Mom Life

Being a boy mom is not for the tentative or faint of heart.  Unequivocally, it takes a tough gut, a tough mind, a strong will and the flexibility of a yoga master.   My oldest son was and is a saint.  He was easy going as a baby,  a child and remains easy going as an adult.  He was definitely God’s way of tricking us into having more kids.  Its not that he didn’t have the requisite trips to the urgent care or ER that come with raising kids, but they were in frequent.  If we were at the doctor with Jake, it was because he picked up something at daycare.

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My younger two are strong willed as Jake is easy going.  Oh boy….  The thing about strong-willed children is that they can drive you absolutely mad.  Strong-willed children can absolutely change the world, however, if you don’t try and tame their spirit as is often the case.  It is tempting because it can be maddening.  While Jake spent no time in the urgent care due to accidents or sport injuries, Goalielocks and the Mayor are on a first name basis with the local Urgent Care staff.  You know you’re a hockey mom, when the Urgent Care practitioner knows you, your child and their hockey position.  They even remember to ask how they did at their last tournament.  The urgent care really should have a frequent flier program.   I’m hoping now that the boys are older, our visits to the urgent care center decrease.  Wish me luck on that one!  

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As a child, Goalielocks used to ask us deep philosophical questions while we drove.  These were not easy questions either.  No, Goalielocks wasn’t asking questions about Barnie and Friends.  He was all about the meaning of life as a toddler.  What’s worse is that he would call us out if our answers were inconsistent or changed.     Who expects to be called out on the meaning of life and the origins of the universe by their preschooler?

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Women,  well at least I can speak for myself, tend not think in a linear fashion.  Men tend to think more linearly.  I try to think more globally.   As a young mom, I assumed that my boys thought in a similar fashion.  Oh boy, was I wrong.  I didn’t realize that their thinking was quite singular and linear.  For example, when I told my kids to take a shower, I didn’t realize I would have to specifically tell them to also shampoo their hair and wash their body.  Lesson learned.

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A more recent, and perfect example of this, occurred during Irmageddon.  For some unknown reason, my hubby had brought in a work light from the garage.  The light was unbalanced as it’s legs hadn’t been fully extended..  Goalielocks accidentally knocked into the light knocking it over sending glass shards everywhere.  My hubby and I did our best to vacuum up all of the glass shards, but we clearly missed some of them.  As I swept and vacuumed this weekend, I found more shards of glass.

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I walked into my bathroom noting droplets of blood across the bathroom floor and into our hallway.  As it happens, Goalielocks stepped on a shard of glass cutting his foot.  He had tended to the cut by removing the class, cleaning the wound and covering it.  I asked that he clean up the blood stains he had left in my bathroom. Goalielocks cleaned up the blood stains in the bathroom.

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I took the picture above last night of a blood stain Goalielocks left the day he sliced his foot.  It is important to know that the stain is in our master bedroom hallway about an inch outside of the master bathroom.  As I was taking the pictured, annoyed that the stain was still there,  I asked Goalielocks why he didn’t clean this stain up.  After all, he had cleaned all of the others.  His answer was simple.  “Mom, you asked me to clean up the stains in the bathroom.  This one isn’t in the bathroom.”   I was incensed at myself and him all at once, myself because I should have known better and him because he should have known better.

I brought this picture out at work today.   As it is truly a perfect example of how people that think differently perceive different situations.   When you know that someone is a linear thinker, like my kids, you know you need to be very specific in your communication. In contrast, with a global thinker you wouldn’t have to be as specific.  If you tell me to clean up the blood stains, I’m going to clean up the blood stains even those outside of the bathroom.  On the other hand, a  linear thinker speaking to a global thinker may want to be very specific in their communication leaving no room for misinterpretation or broadening of scope.  

I love how this interaction with my teen turned into a lesson on interacting with different types of thinkers.  Life has a funny way of teaching us when we least expect it.  At first, I thought it was about a male and female brain, but it is not that simple.  Not all women thinking globally and not all men think linearly.  The important take away is that people think differently and we need to communicate accordingly.

Glorious

There is something glorious about a beautiful sunset.  As I left work tonight, at peace with the past couple of weeks, I gazed upon the beautiful Florida sunset.  Albeit there are a lot of things wrong with Florida, but one thing that is oh so right is the sunsets.  Peppered by a bevy of beautiful white fluffy clouds, the red rays of the sun began to set slowly to the west as thunder and lightning rolled in over the coast to the east.  I mean you have to love Florida.  A thunderstorm out one window and world class glorious sunset out the other.  Since I was driving, I was unable to snap a shot of the sunset.  Consequently, I’ll add a picture of the sunset in Flam, Norway.

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Today was glorious because it was a gift.  I have to borrow this from my cousin Jessica, who started this as a daily reminder at the beginning of 2016.  A simple daily reminder of a profound truth.   Jessica has been a poignant reminder of how each day is a gift as she went through breast cancer treatments over the past year.   Fortunately, we were able to see Jessica and her family this summer in Norway.  My boys were overjoyed to meet her son Kai and spend some quality time with him.  Time with family near and far is a glorious gift that no amount of money can replace.

I had a brilliant conversation with a co-worker today about the Oscar Wilde quote on my Live Inspired tee and what it means.  Our conversation about this beautiful Oscar Wilde quote is how the meaning of this quote morphs with you are your progress through the stages of life.  In some sense, she’s completely right.  What defines a life well lived is dependent on the stage of your life.

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Since our youth, we are preconditioned to acquire stuff.  For example things like:  the big house, the big paycheck, the big title and all the fancy goods.  In the end, however, that is not what matters.  Importantly, what matters is the experiences we share with the people we love.  As much as we’d love to, you can’t bring your Louboutins or all that paper with you when you die.

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It reminded me of how truly lucky I was to have Debbie in my life.  I truly believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason, although I cannot yet understand why he tears them away from us.  Debbie taught me, and I think others would agree, a lot about what it means to live a life well lived.  Whenever I have a rough day, I think about her and want to slap myself silly.  I think about how graceful, how kind, how happy and how much she was throughout her battle.  She traveled the globe and the country with her family making beautiful memories.  Even on her worst day, you wouldn’t have know it.  She is and will forever be my hero.

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Another glorious conversation I had confirmed convictions I have long held about someone.  At this point in our lives, there are many experiences that we bring to the collective table.    Sometimes in understanding  those experiences, we can better understand our people and their concerns.  I’m lucky that I can speak honestly and candidly at work without fear.  This person is exactly who I thought he was and one the main reasons I cherish my current career.  Leadership is about making the world a better place.

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The Genius of James Joyce

When life is perfectly imperfect, literature like the genius of James Joyce provides the perfect remedy and wisdom for the moment.  Life will always throw curve balls at us no matter how much we plan or how hard we work.  We will fall, we will make mistakes, but we must pick ourselves up and recreate life out of life.

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It certainly isn’t easy.  How can one expect someone, who is continuously marginalized to stay in their current role?  I love the quote from Joyce above about people trampling flowers to go embrace a cactus.  Too often people are enticed by the cactus or the sheep in wolf’s clothing over the flower.  It doesn’t make sense, but there is something in human nature that draws us to people who may hurt or disloyal to us versus those that our loyal.  Failing to recognize the people that have made an organization effective, while recognizing others is a death nail to a team.  Unfortunately, this could leave to the demise of an organization.

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At the end of the day, words are meaningless.  It is actions that speak volumes.  People have made numerous promises to me over my career, but promises mean nothing without action.   Once, after six years, someone made good on the promise they had made.   When giving me the good news, however, they lied.   They flat out lied.  Again words are meaningless.   When I speak to my employees about their futures,  I’m honest in my timelines and in setting expectations.  It isn’t always what they want to hear, but at least they know my word is good.

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Falling is optional, but rising back up is not.  So rise we must!  We have an obligation to ourselves to give our best each and everyday regardless of our circumstances.  If you’re in a situation where your continuously marginalized, then it is time to move on.

 

Time to Lean In

It is time to lean in ladies.  I’ve been reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In along with Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World.  Can you tell?  As a leader in corporate America that happens to be female, I love the book.   Its amazing to me that in 2017, the struggles for women in business remain.   Misogyny in the workplace is a thorny, unpleasant issue, but we need to talk about it.

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When I first took on a leadership role,  my boss asked if I was willing to sacrifice time away from family and kids.  First of all, the question was a bit inappropriate.  My work speaks for itself and is never left unfinished.  Secondly, this questions was never asked to my my male counterparts.   In fact, they found it quite odd that I was.  This leads me to question if the fact that I’m a mom, a hockey mom at that, is an impediment to my career.  Is this something that those above me consider when succession planning?

I would argue that the question is inappropriate regardless of the gender of the person being asked.  A person’s work product and work ethic speak to their commitment to the company.  The worker’s life outside of the company is not germane to the conversation.

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There are number of stereotypes that inhibit women from closing the leadership gap in this country.  If a man gets emotional in a meeting, he is dubbed passionate.  In contrast If a women gets emotional in meeting, she is dubbed a train wreck.   If a man is aggressive, he is applauded.  Whereas If a women is aggressive, she is told to back off and stopped being so aggressive.

About a year ago, two male co-workers interrupted a conversation between me and my colleague a friend and I.  These leaders insisted my friend was not nearly as aggressive she needed to be to get things done.  On the other hand, they felt I was too aggressive.  I shut them down immediately.    They can’t have it both ways.

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What is my ideal workplace? It is an environment where I can work with my incredible team and have my contributions and my team’s contributions noted and appreciated.  In my ideal workplace, the thunder thief does not exist.   What do women want?  They want a seat at the table.  They want the ability to contribute to the organization in a meaningful way with a clear path to success.  In addition, women notice the way other women are treated in the organization. With each women whose contributions are minimized, with each women who is passed over; the women of the organization notice and see their path diminished.

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Finally, ladies this one is for you.  Mean girls belong in middle school, not in corporate America.  Name calling, manipulation and other middle school games have no place.   When we treat each other poorly, it opens the door to more mistreatment. Treat your fellow women with respect and support each other or go back to middle school.

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Side Effects of a Hurricane

The side effects of a hurricane are real and they’re sad.  With a storm the size of Irma, you end up spending almost 48 hours caged inside.  If you were unfortunate enough to have lost power, your stuck eating processed food that just isn’t healthy.  Even if you kept power, like we did, the caramel roll and mimosa brunch does nothing for your fitlife goals.

I’ve had a penchant for running for the past two years since my first Purple Stride event in 2015, but fell of the wagon after our Norway trip.  My sister in law took a picture of us post brunch Saturday before the storm hit.  It was sad to see, but I looked like I swallowed a small child.  I swear I didn’t actually eat a small child, but if you saw the picture you would have thought differently.

When my work announced we were reopening the office with a relaxed dress code on Tuesday, a collective sigh of relief went out across South Florida.   Sadly, post hurricane the dolphins on our yoga pants have morphed into whales.  What’s more the dolphins no look like whales.  Oh it was a humbling Tuesday.  If there’s ever a way to reignite your running habit, this hurricane weekend was the it.

Since it has been so hot, I’ve been running on the treadmill.  Unfortunately, the power had been cutting in and out Monday, so I had to run outside.  It would be my luck that I would injure myself post-storm in an unfortunate treadmill accident.  Consequently, the Piggie and I hit the running path and ran 2.65 miles.  I thought I was going to die.  It was as humid as it was hot.  I definitely should have brought my inhaler.  Nevertheless, it felt amazing to be out on the trail my loving running partner.   Tonight marked three notes in a row of running.  We’re back on track!

 

 

Back to Reality

Today was my first day back at work and back to reality post Irmageddon. Traffic was fantastically light on the turnpike making for a quick commute. Any gains made on the turnpike were quickly given up at my favorite Dunkin’ Donuts where I waited in line with most of Pompano Beach for the better of 20 minutes awaiting my coffee. Clearly, many in South Florida, like myself, has been jonesing for Dunkin’ these past three days.

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Thankfully, I was able to pick up my coffee and head to work. The Turnpike was clear. The traffic lights right around the turnpike, in both Palm Beach and Broward county, were in working order. Once I left my Dunkin’ and headed down Power Line those lights were not functioning. Oh boy, this is a problem.

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South Floridians struggle with traffic laws. Heck they barely obey them during normal conditions. I shouldn’t be surprised that they would disobey them post hurricane. I’ve never lived in a place where people stop at a yield sign, but refuse to stop at stop sign. Moreover, they cannot for the life of them figure out a roundabout. You can imagine the chaos that has ensued since some of the traffic lights are out entirely and others are blinking. Unfortunately, the post-storm confusion this causes often times has deadly consequences.

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Here’s a quick tutorial for my fellow Floridans.  First, If the light you are facing is blinking red, you treat it as a stop sign. Secondly,  If the light you are at is blinking yellow, you treat it as a yield.   Lastly, if the light you are facing is off entirely, treat it as a four way stop. Regardless of the conditions listed above, proceed with caution. Proceed with the assumption that the other drivers on the road will not abide by the rules of the road and protect yourself and your family. I hate driving post-storm because it is patently unsafe.

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Aside from the driving, it felt great to get out of the house and get back to normal.  It stinks being in the house for days.  You start feeling like a caged animal after only a couple of hours and its no fun.  I am hoping that more stoplights will be operational tomorrow making for a safer commute for me and my team.  Thanks to everyone for sending their well wishes and prayers throughout Irmageddon.  We appreciated them very much.

Finding the Rainbow In the Storm

Irma was without a doubt a miserable experience for most of us, but even with Irma it is possible to find the rainbow in the storm.  Major events like this have a tendency to bring the good out in people  Yeah, there were looters in Lauderdale and Miami, but those were isolated incidents and widely condemned.  In fact, part of our hurricane preparation included the possibility that looters could show up at our door.  They haven’t, but had they shown up we were more than ready to neutralize the threat.  This post isn’t about the looters though; its about the finding the rainbow in the storm.

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Here are some of the rainbows I found this weekend:

    1. I got to spend a lot of quality time with my family.  Some of this time included no internet, cell or cable service, so we had to talk to each other.
    2. We have awesome neighbors on our cul-de-sac.  Whenever one of these ugly storms rear their ugly head, our neighborhood man crew mobilizes to shutter all the houses and get the circle storm ready.   For that moment in time, they’re our super heroes.   Additionally, the post prep beers and drinks are definitely a plus.
    3. With Hurricane Matthew missing us, this was really our first storm in our house.  I have to say that I felt safe and secure in these walls even as the winds howled fiercely outside.
    4. We never lost power during the storm.  We did, however, lose power twice this afternoon.  This sudden loss of power on a sunny afternoon prompted me to take my run outside, which was another plus.  I have complete and total sympathy for those that lost power as it is tortuously hot in South Florida today.
    5. I was able to binge watch (uninterrupted) the entire first season of the BBC’s Victoria with Jenna Coleman.
    6. When out preparing for the storm, people were kind and people were helpful.  For a moment, I thought I had been caught up in Irma’s tornado and deposited back in Minnesota.  Alas, I was in South Florida and people were truly being kind and considerate.
    7. Not only were people being kind and considerate, but people were being smart about the storm and preparing accordingly.  We’ve been through several storms down here.  We witnessed with Hurricane Wilma the utter devastation that accompanies a strong storm and ill prepared people.  The aftermath was awful.  This wasn’t going to be the story with Irma.   People were preparing for the worst case scenario while hoping for the best.
    8. When we were finally able to escape the cave today, we had  some fun exploring the neighborhood.  Our poor dogs have been miserable the past couple days as they’ve been cooped up inside.   Athena was living the high life as we walked the neighborhood as she shot footage from the Mayor’s GoPro.

  1. Now that the storm is over and the recovery begin, the same team that helped get you ready for the storm helps you recover from the storm.  Our dad crew was out early this morning removing as much brush and landscaping debris from the driveways and yards they could.  The Hubby left for my bro’s house just south of us to help him remove the large oak from his roof.  He’ll be back tomorrow.
  2. It’s okay to have caramel rolls and mimosa brunch more than once a year and a hurricane party is the perfect excuse.  Of course, there is a downside to all of the hurricane treats. It should be corporate policy to allow leggings and/or yoga pants for at least a week post hurricane.IMG_9931.jpg

Double, Double Toil and Trouble

“Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble” – William Shakespeare from MacBeth

Earlier in my career, I worked for the most god awful boss.  You had probably already guessed that based on the Shakespeare quote at the top. She preached mediocrity and begged for us to keep her off the radar.  She wanted us to stay near the middle of  the pack.   Specifically, she preached for us to never be at the top, nor near the bottom. Therefore, working for her was truly pure hell on earth.  She was a manager, not a leader.  Unquestionably, she was product of an horrible work environment that couldn’t retain talent at any level.

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When I moved on, I swore I would never go back into leadership again. I was not going to subject myself to the horrors I had experienced working for her.  Some how I forgot my plan.  Consequently, here I am in a leadership role again.  Fortunately, I have a team of amazing leaders working for me, whose talents blow me away.  In addition, I have the privilege of leading two very high caliber teams.  My employees are amazing.

Each and every day, I remember how bad it was working for her.  I hold on to this because I never ever want to treat my employees as poorly as she treated me and my counterparts.  This was the lesson she taught me.  I will always treat my employees right even when I’m treated poorly.

With this purpose in mind, here are ten of my leadership guidelines:

  1. If you’re shooting for mediocrity, you shouldn’t be leading people.
  2. Every employee comes to you with a blank slate and an opportunity to shine or fail.  The key is they own their opportunity.
  3.  Do not surround yourself with yes men.  If this is you, you’re not a leader; you’re a coward afraid to challenge convention.  Yes, I’m talking to you.
  4. Surround yourself with people that can do the job better than you.  You cannot succession plan if your bench strength is below par.
  5. Don’t ever be a thunder thief.   If you’re the type of douche canoe that rides your employees’ work to the top by taking credit for their work (a.k.a. a thunder thief,) you’ll quickly lose quality employees.  You won’t be able to maintain the charade once they’re gone, since it was their work that got you promoted.  Consequently, this is a surefire path to failure.
  6. Celebrate your employees victories and milestones.  My old manager could have cared less about me, my counterparts or our employees, she was always just checking the box.  Be invested in your employees.
  7. Be Genuine – no explanation needed here.
  8. Right Person= Right role:  Consequently, just because an employee isn’t successful in their current role doesn’t mean they should be terminated.  It costs a lot of money to train employees.  It behooves us as leaders to look within our organization to see if there are roles that may be a better fit for struggling employees.  If you don’t do this, you could unintentionally let good talent walk out the door.
  9. Know your business:  This should come as no surprise, but to be an effective leader you need to know your business inside and out.  To be clear, this doesn’t mean just knowing your numbers.  As a leader, you need to know the operations, the regulations, the personnel, and the technology better than anyone else.  If you don know them, you’re in the wrong role or your organization isn’t being well served.
  10. The Carly Simon Principle – If you think this post is about you, it probably is.  You’ve heard the song “You’re So Vain” right?  Simon write “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.”

This list isn’t exhaustive and quite frankly its mostly common sense.  These are things I remind myself of everyday.  To be a good leader, you need to be a decent human being, expert in your field, have a thick skin and love working with people.  Being a leader isn’t about a paycheck.  If it is, your motivation is wrong.  Rather, it is about bringing the best out of yourself and your employees each and everyday.

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble is a rhyme extracted from Shakespeare’s Macbeth.

Dignify

Today’s daily prompt was dignify, which was brilliant because it speaks to what’s been on my mind.  Too often, we look up to people because their position, rank or station in life assuming those that hold them dignify them.   Unfortunately, all too often, that simply isn’t the case.

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The title doesn’t make the man nor the women.  The women or men makes the title.   If the man or woman has little dignity, than so too will the position they hold.   Perhaps they assume as they move up in position, the will become more dignified, but that simply isn’t the case.

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If one is a selfish, undignified ground level leader, odds are those tendencies will follow them throughout their career.  However, If one is a dignified person from day one, they will bring dignity and honor to whatever rank they hold.    If they’re a person searching for dignity or compensating for something else in their rank,  I’m sorry to say they won’t find it.  Moreover, their shortcomings are glaringly obvious for most to see.

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When looking to build a strong principled team be sure to look for people who dignify the rank.    What characteristics do these people have?  First and foremost, these people are not sycophants.  They will tell you no when you need to hear it most.  Secondly, they lead selflessly.  These are leaders that wouldn’t ask their employees to do something their unwilling to do.  Lastly, they’re opened to change even if it means deviating from their ideas.  Leaders must be able to pivot when results show their ideas are not successful.  This list is hardly exhaustive, but if I didn’t cap myself we’d be here all day.

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Here’s another list of things I will not dignify today:

  1. Asurion warranties:  They’re a waste in the time.  If you lose a drone in a tree or to the wind, they expect you to get it out of the tree and mail it back.
  2. My knee pain: It’s not that I’m old, it just that I added too many miles too quickly.. honestly….
  3. Laundry: no explanation needed here
  4. Rude people in the checkout line at Target: only in S. Florida would an elderly woman feel it is okay to run over a 5 year old girl to be first in line at the checkout.  I get it, you had 15 things and her family had like 20.  And truly it really wasn’t much of a wait for her family considering the two screaming toddlers they had in strollers.
  5. Meanwhile, to the old lady that walked in front of me in line: I’m not mad at you.  I would have let you gone first anyway.  You didn’t have that many things and I had about one million, but you’re still obtuse or maybe I’m just upset because my normal Target run is getting considerably more expensive!?!?!

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