So invasions take on a whole new meaning when your child is actively serving and somewhere on the other side of the world. The anxiety level for this mama has reached an all time high. I’m not sure what this means for his and his buddies, but I know it’s not a positive development. We don’t really know how this will impact his time overseas, which really sucks. It’s super hard not knowing anything because we can’t really plan our lives.
I’ve found that while my boy has been deployed avoiding the news has been key to maintaining my mental health. Unfortunately, these past few weeks it’s been utterly impossible to avoid the news. With missiles flying in the Middle East, Russia knocking on Ukraine’s door and China’s Taiwan obsession, there hasn’t been much rest for the weary. It’s hard to quantify how this news hits differently with a kid deployed. There’s a perennial knot in the stomach that’s unrelenting tightening with each bit of news. Nonetheless, I need to limit my news intact. Honestly, the more I limit the news, the better I feel.
Over the last few months, we’ve settled into the big D routine. For the holidays, we sent a bunch of care packages to him. In normal fashion, we -meaning our friends and hockey family- may have completely overdone it. In fact, he might have enough beef jerky to last a life time. In the end, the most important thing was that he knows there’s a whole army (pun intended) that support him and are praying for him back home.
Perhaps the hardest part is not knowing anything. With Goalielocks forthcoming graduation, I’d love to be able to plan a bunch of family activities and pictures. Unfortunately, we have no idea when he’ll be back home. Ugh….. It’s honestly the worst.
So as we get through week one of deployment, I’m noticing that the pit in my stomach will not leave. It’s like I’m watching Goalielocks in net 24/7. In short, it’s not a great feeling. Thankfully, I’ve been able to chat with him via text. This has helped immensely. This weekend I’ll be distracting myself with some Curb Your Enthusiasm and the Mayor’s hockey tournament. Hopefully, this will allay the pit in my stomach even if it’s just for a moment.
All week I’ve been fighting the urge to text my boy over and over again. One I know he’s super busy. Two I know he can’t have his phone with him while he’s working. And lastly, I don’t want to be inappropriately overbearing. Nonetheless, it’s super hard. I know he’ll reach out when he can, but I miss him and I worry. Oh the horrors of radio silence during deployment.
I decided to keep an electronic diary of my thoughts during deployment. By the time this is published, he will be back home.
Saying goodbye to our eldest is never easy, but this last time it was particularly hard. This time it would be the last time I got to hug him before he left on his first deployment. To say that hug contained a lot of emotion and love would be a gross understatement. While he was excited for this new adventure, the mom in me couldn’t help but be anxious and worried sick. Naturally, I tried my best to hide this from him. After all, I didn’t want him feeding off my anxiety. Nor did I want him worrying about his mom.
Perhaps the hardest part of all of this is not knowing the details. He’s limited in what he can share with for obvious reasons, but it makes it hard when you don’t know the when and where. At the moment, we’re just waiting for the shoe to drop. Obviously, it’s been a bit nerve wracking.